Crazy Fear

It’s driving she’s afraid of. It’s crippled her many times. This anxiety that grips her hours before she’s behind the wheel. She visualises everything, every turn she needs to make, every possible situation she might face and what she’ll do to not crash.

There’s an intersection that terrifies her, just outside their apartment block. Trucks coming from behind, impatient cars wanting to turn into her lane, she wanting to turn left. She avoids this intersection, adding at least five minutes to her journey each day. It’s a small price to avoid the anxiety rise and sleepless siesta thinking about that turn. Crazy!

After four little crashes in their first three years, she hasn’t crashed in 7 years. Still, she always carries some extra cash in her wallet, never wanting to be caught out. Once she crashed right in front of some policemen. They sauntered over, saw that this gringa knew how things were fixed informally and left her alone to sort things out with the Tico taxi driver and a small dent. That roundabout has rules of its own, ten years later it’s still incomprehensible!

Indicators are for looks, never used. Pushing in is the rule, and stopping wherever you like, whenever you like is normal. Single lane roads are never just for one lane, and pedestrian crossings? Those neatly painted lines on the road? You’ll be beeped at incessantly if you actually stop for someone wanting to cross!

Her husband drives Pervianized. He loves it, lives for it. Even rides a motorbike in the craziness. His confidence is in sharp contrast to her fear.

The days were fast approaching when their car would be sold. She didn’t want to leave not facing that fear. She’d do it. No more avoiding. She’d face that intersection and squish that anxiety once and for all. She replaced that fear with faith. Faith that He is with her, that if she crashed, He’ll still be with her. She did it. Not once but three times. Oh, sweet victory!

And now the car is sold. She breathes a sigh of relief. She imagines her God also breathing a sigh. She wonders how many times He took that wheel, moved that taxi a little to the right, put out his hand to stop that car. His care wraps around her. He must love her such an awful lot. Fear lies powerless in His presence.